Motherhood and Identity: Becoming Without Losing Yourself.
In my 20s, I was in my prime with dreams that reached as far as the horizon. I had plans, I had energy, and a vision, of all i wanted to achieve. Then motherhood came, and everything changed.
I remember those first moments in the birth room, whether as a new mum myself or as a midwife watching another woman’s journey. The surge of emotions, the relief after pushing through, the baby’s first cry. It is a moment that transforms a woman forever.
But here’s what no one tells you, in those sacred moments, something else is also born. Not just the child, but a new identity.
Suddenly, you are “Mum.” Your body feels different, your time no longer belongs to you, and your dreams and ambitions seem to dim under the weight of responsibility. The mirror reflects tired eyes and messy hair, and some days you can hardly recognize yourself.
I know this because I lived it.
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When the Light Switch Dims
In my 20s, I had everything mapped out. But when my children came, my goals slipped quietly to the background. I didn’t care much about how I looked or what I achieved, I was simply content to survive the day and give my all to my babies.
Many new mothers find themselves here too. It doesn’t mean failure; it means your whole being has been poured into nurturing life.
But then comes a day, sometimes suddenly, when the light switch flicks back on. When you look at yourself and realize you are more than sleepless nights and routines. That the woman you were before is still here, only stronger, wiser, and reshaped by love.
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Motherhood Adds, It Doesn’t Subtract
Motherhood does not erase who we are; it expands us. The birthing room teaches this so well: pain and joy, surrender and strength, breaking and becoming all co-exist.
It’s the same with our identity. You can love your baby fiercely while still cherishing your own voice. You can serve your family and still pursue your God-given dreams.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”
– Proverbs 31:25
Strength and dignity don’t disappear when you become a mother. They grow deeper roots.
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For the New Mother Wondering “Who Am I Now?”
1. Honor the Pause – It’s okay that everything feels different. Like birth itself, it’s a transition. Give yourself permission to heal, adjust, and simply be.
2. Take Small Steps Back to You – Journaling during feeds, taking short walks, or even showering without rushing, these are victories. They remind you that you matter too.
3. Embrace Sisterhood – Other mothers are not your competition; they are your allies. Share your struggles, ask for help, and let yourself be encouraged.
4. Dream Again – Your ambitions are not gone, just waiting. Start small, one class, one idea, one hour of creativity and let it grow.
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Becoming, Not Losing
Yes, it can feel like you’ve lost yourself. But the truth is you are not lost. You are becoming.
Motherhood is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of a richer, deeper one. One where your children get to see you not only as a loving mother but also as a woman who continues to grow, dream, and live abundantly.
So, to the new mother wondering who she is now: take heart. You are still you, only more.
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A Prayer for New Mothers
Lord, I lift up every mother reading this. Remind her that she is seen, valued, and deeply loved. Strengthen her when she feels weary, and give her peace when doubts creep in. Restore her joy, awaken her dreams, and help her embrace this season without losing herself. May she rise each day clothed in strength and dignity, knowing that You are with her and her children always. Amen.
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